Resigning Reservations: Week 3, Day 21

Well, it’s Monday and despite a very convincing and reassuring conversation with a friend on Friday about how to get this done, I am back at the crossroads of “Can I/Do I really want do this?”.

I know what I need to do, and why I need to do it, I am just really struggling to face the reality of acting on the decision.

So I made a list, and I already know the pros will far outweigh the cons, but if I am being honest, this list is really for me to see the reasons in literal black and white and thereby encourage me to stop the pussyfooting and just do it.

Reasons to resign:

1. I feel a physical weight on my shoulders that gets heavier the closer I get to the office.
2. A wave of exhaustion washes me as soon as I leave home.
3. I feel a genuine shift in my mood when I think about the tasks I need to get done today/this week. I feel absolutely unmotivated and uninterested.
4. I am unhappy. that’s it — no additional explanation.
5. I am very distracted thinking of all the ways I can make freelancing work: new things I can try, potential clients I can recruit, new plans I need to write, YouTube channel I could start, names for said YT channel, basically everything freelance, nothing 9–5.
6. I have no vacation days available this year — resigning allows me to be my own boss and allows for the flexibility of guilt-free sick days and more than 10-day vacations per year.
7. I won’t have to wake up at 6:30 AM, 4 days a week to get ready for work — I accept I may still wake up at 6:30 when I quit, but there is a great sense of comfort waking up at that time because I want to not because I need to.
8. I probably should have put this first but for many reasons I consciously didn't — I have developed a very strong dislike for my assigned tasks. I have seen a complete change within myself with how I approach work. I take two days to do something I know and usually can get done in two hours. This, in particular, has been a hard pill for me to swallow as I know myself as a hard, dependable worker and I am having difficulty motivating myself to get back to that approach and work ethic.

Reasons to NOT resign (w/ very relevant counter-points in italics):

1. Money / stable income | The possibility of making the same or even more exists with the freedom of doing it all on MY schedule could be so great.
2. My freedom of mobility will be affected — I will have to give up the company car and I am not in a position to afford a new one right now. | My partner is super supportive and has told me literally a hundred times that I have full access to his vehicle whenever I need it.
3. Timing: A certain sales period is coming up and I am the only person on the team who has past experience and knowledge of what is required; leaving before that period has passed has may leave the team in an organizational tizzy | this is really just me guilting myself into feeling needed and failing to realize that with or without me the job/company continues and it is highly unlikely that it will fail.

Ok, so with all that said, well, typed and done, it is very clear that the pros far outweigh the cons and I really just need to write my resignation letter and do the damn thing.

If you can relate to this predicament or any of my points mentioned, please let me know — I have a toxic relationship with the need for reassurance and validation.

xoxo,

Alexis